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Judith
Pocock, President and founder of The Ruby Care Foundation
Physiotherapist, Lecturer, General and Bereavement Counsellor,
Author
"After
years of tending people in trauma from illness and approaching
death, I found myself much disturbed at the absence of real understanding
and care in many of the medical professions who deal with terminal
diagnoses; death sometimes being regarded as a failure, with
many who care for the dying prohibited to speak about death;
doctors often not confirming that someone is dying, thus fostering
ignorance, and therefore fear, about what is happening, what
may come next, what to expect. So I conceived the idea of The
Ruby Care Foundation as a means of addressing these knotty issues
and with the desire to put things right. The understandings arising
from many years of study and research by the RCF Associates offer
new perception, technology, training and ways and means. Alongside
my companion members in many countries we are forging a new Template
of care and support for people who have received a terminal diagnosis,
for those nearing their time of inevitable departure, for anybody
in grief and finding it hard to bear and indeed for anyone suffering
any kind of trauma, loss or displacement. I am very proud to
be at the forefront of the founding of this organisation and
spend my time working to see its establishment across the world."
Batia
Tucker,
Secretary and Co-Founder of The Ruby Care Foundation
Carer for bereaved families in Israel and England, Carer for wounded
soldiers in Israel
"While working in a country that has been
for so many long years at war, which is necessarily a place of
great bravery and
courage, I witnessed the persuasion to 'get grief over and done
with quickly', which is certainly a sure recipe for complex and
long-lasting problems. Since moving from Israel, I find that the
same complex problems surround death and grief in most all modern
society; there is everywhere the same failure to understand and
subsequently teach the realities about the natural placement of
death. The new understandings and technologies coming out from
the study, research and training of The Ruby Care Foundation are
making tremendous changes in the care of the traumatised, the wounded,
the bereaved and all who suffer painful loss. Everybody has to
face and deal with death and dying in one way or another, and often
many times during a lifetime, and I feel the urgent need to make
the work of the Foundation available to all who seek it and am
proud to have co-founded this organisation."
Sheila
Watson
Even
as a child I felt the need to help those in difficulty, so I
joined the Red Cross and found myself going around to schools
as a kind of spokesman. I started with advice on how to keep
safe and this just naturally developed into listening to people.
It grew from there and I did a counselling course to give more
substance to the assistance I was being asked for.
On
joining The Ruby Heart Foundation I learnt so much more about
how to care for people in need and in all kinds of loss.
Mary
Nordkvelle
Grief
comes in many ways - when we lose a loved one, our job, our home,
our way of life.
I
have been writing to, and visiting, people in prison since 1994.
I
attended the 'Training the Trainers' 2 year course run by The
Ruby Care Foundation and give bereavement support by telephone
and in person.
I
write poetry, which can give comfort, and a tape of my poems
has been produced by Springlevend Foundation who promote Humanity
in Care for the Elderly.
(Some
of Mary's poems can be found elsewhere on the website)
Moira
Muir
In
2002 I found myself drawn to the work of bereavement counselling,
co-incidentally at the same time that The Ruby Care Foundation
was founded, and was fortunate to meet Judith Pocock in the September
of that year.
Participating
in the training of the RCF has added enormously to my depth of
understanding of loss, and I now have
a much greater settlement about the natural processes of death,
dying and bereavement.
The
work of the RCF is invaluable and has been the inspiration for
me to gain a Diploma in Counselling.
I now assist in training first year trainee counsellors for
an agency in Nottingham, am building my own private practice
plus
continuing in voluntary counselling practice. I am available
for face-to-face or telephone counselling for those living
in the Midlands.
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Angela
Garner - Pet Bereavement Support Service
Angela,
who holds a diploma in pet bereavement counselling, runs a national
Pet Bereavement Support Service. This is a free service supported
and funded by the Environmental Animal Sanctuary & Education
(EASE) registered charity no: 1089160 - a small charity that
supports the human-animal relationshipand.
Follow
this link to the EASE
website.
Angela
explains:
“Throughout
the whole of my life I have passionately cared for animals, with
an ever-strengthening longing to see a kinder and safer world
for all creatures great and small. The human – animal relationship
is very special as pets offer us valuable companionship enhancing
our lives with their affection and loyalty.
"Over
the years I have taken in many waifs and strays and as a result
faced many losses with the inevitable grief that followed. Through
the Ruby Care Foundation I have gained strength and knowledge
in how to journey along the pathway of grief towards settlement,
and from this, my wish is to offer support and understanding
to others who find themselves facing the death of a much loved
pet.”
Diana
Gonzalez
Diana
Gonzalez, lived in Spain for 14 years where she brought up her
three children; now grandmother of three and retired, she
works as a volunteer in a Hospice and as a Bereavement Counsellor.
Graduating
in Philosophy and Spanish, she was co-founder of an organisation
seeking to create better awareness in education of
the needs of the ‘whole child’, in particular spiritual
development. When her mother became ill for several years, suffering
from Dementia, Diana devoted much of her time to assisting with
her care and was with her when she died. It was at this time that
she realised that this was the kind of work she was most drawn
to and began to work with the elderly, taking a particular interest
in Care of the Whole Person in Dementia. Feeling that Care of the
Elderly and particularly Care of the dying, and the whole attitude
to death needed much better understanding and re-assessing, she
was asked to put together a Training Programme for Carers in ‘Dementia
Care’ Bereavement Support’ and ‘Care for the
Dying’.
During the past two years Diana trained with the Ruby Care Foundation
and now has a licence under this organisation to train others in
this more advanced method of approach to care of the dying and
bereavement.
Marc
S Luppens, USA (Florida)
Licensed paramedic 25 years; Experienced with traumatic
and sudden death
Speciality:
out from the belief in the continuance of the human spirit, working
to help those trying to cope with sudden loss of their loved
ones.
Andrea
I
have never experienced anything more painful than losing a person
who was very dear to me.
An
unbearable pain, with different sensations of feeling powerless,
lonely, empty, paralysed and numb – where you feel, in
a way, unrecognisable to yourself or don’t feel yourself
as you used to, don’t know yourself anymore – which
amongst other things stems from a missing comprehension of what
is going on or a lack of being understood by others.
The
feeling of not being understood amplified the pain of loneliness
and left me to fall even deeper into isolation. It takes courage
to feel the pain and move into a state of vacuum. For a time,
all is meaningless and the question “why” repeats
itself like an echo.
But in desperation I felt a need for help and being understood.
Nobody
has been educated to handle grief or shown how to deal with it
in school. I felt helpless, almost delivered up to it, after
the death of my mother, but found support and understanding with
people from the Ruby Care Foundation in England. It meant so
much for me, that there were some people who understood my pain,
understood what was happening, listened to me with warmth and
attention, thereby attaching an unseen string between us, giving
a form of support and stability.
Annette
Grief?
Life
is one long grief process, in one way or another. Grief exists
in so many forms and has so many expressions… when being
let down, get angry or want revenge, experiencing loss … and
much more.
To
be let down causes lack of confidence, followed by a continual
sought-after stability. Within this thoughts creep in: `I’m
not like others`… `I can’t be normal`… and
therefore `I must try to change myself’. This was my constant
experience as a child; these destructive thoughts grew and grew
and grew…… while confidence became smaller and smaller… so
that in the end, I lacked confidence always when people were
around.
Mostly, we are left to our own devices to find our way around such problems,
as we are not taught how things naturally work. It then becomes a relief to
find someone who makes time to listen and give support along the way… for
grief is a very natural process.
It is therefore one of my wishes to help bereaved children - to give them the
platform of stability as they go through any process of grief..
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Birgitte
My
baby died in the womb right before her birth. The pain of it
is hard to describe. It felt like someone had torn away my heart
and inner parts. More than anything I wanted to follow my little
girl to the grave.
During
the first couple of weeks her father and I felt like we were
living in another world. We were alternating between breaking
into tears and being in a state of almost watching everything
from outside ourselves in a strange, almost dreamlike state.
We were very sensitive and aware of each other. We only had each
other. The rest of the world was more or less blurred.
The overwhelming pain and grief made it difficult for me to accept what had
happened. Several years later I am still amazed how much time it takes to recover
from the shock.
You
don´t ever “get over” the death a child. My
daughter will be in my heart for the rest of my life. I live
with the loss. As time has passed I have found space in myself
for other things too, and there are fewer days filled with grief.
Her death has affected my life and relations in many ways – towards
family, friends, activities and working environment.
In
my experience many people in grief or crisis feel lonely and
abandoned by the world around them. Through the Ruby Care Foundation
I found a deep understanding and relief of grief. I found great
comfort in dealing with others in a similar situation. I cannot
take away the pain or replace what you have lost, however I will
do my best to support and help you in this challenging time of
your life.
Henrik
Who
will the children turn to, when their world falls apart, either
due to their parents splitting up or one of them dying!
Who
will give them what they need, in attempting to face the most
difficult time of change in their young lives?
These
are some of the questions, I had to deal with in myself, when
I got divorced.
Therefore
I can see that many things can be done, and many things are necessary
to understand.
Karol
Wilczynska
I
have experience working in refugee settlement and human rights,
and I am an art and design educator. I work with people from
many different cultural backgrounds, some who are trying to establish
a new life in a new country.
I
am experienced in supporting students and colleagues in the areas
of stress management, coping with change, dealing with pain and
trauma and also use palliative care techniques.
I
am an excellent listener working always within a calming atmosphere.
Allen
Tacke
Allen
is based in Tenessee and more details of his work with Ruby Care
will follow soon.
Mary McGrane
Mary McGrane is one of The Ruby Care Foundation Associates in
NE United States.
During the attacks on the World Trade Center on
9/11 Mary participated in a group of people delivering ‘Grief Tapes’ (produced
and donated by The Ruby Care Foundation) to firemen at approximately
80 firehouses throughout NY City. She visited with firemen, listening
to their stories and acknowledging their loss. She also assists
with the elderly and sick by visiting and lending an ear.
Mary is a freelance writer, a published poet and
author of a book called “Healing the Home” She also writes stories from
daily life that inspire others and is currently working on a collection
of these stories called “Silhouettes”.
The
work of The Ruby Care Foundation has evolved after some 35 years
of intensive study into human life and purpose, behaviour
and psychology, the evolving future of the human race, and more,
with a particular focus on bringing death and dying out from behind
the taboos and fears surrounding them, and into the natural arena
of being alive. Out from this the RCF was conceived as a vehicle
for imparting new and crucial concepts and understandings when
the end of life in carnal form is at hand.
Most
of the RCF Associates are professionally trained in various disciplines,
which include General and Bereavement Counselling,
Hospice care, Homoeopathy, General and Specific medicine, Care
of the Elderly and Social work, as well as Teaching, Philosophy,
Humanities and Social Science. Our volunteers come from all walks
of life, mothers, fathers, grandparents, nurses, doctors, lawyers,
psychiatrists, artists, musicians, housewives - a very broad
spectrum of people from many different countries who have become
involved
in understanding and dealing with end-of-life issues in one way
or another.
And
all are concerned with finding ever better ways of helping, supporting
and counselling the terminally ill (from whatever
cause) the dying and the bereaved. We are dedicated to providing
the best
possible mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual care
for everyone involved when death and dying are near, with the
intention
of giving easement and settlement to all.
We embrace all beliefs, faiths and creeds and do not tend towards
any specific religious affiliation. The uniqueness and individuality
of human life is sacrosanct and we hold it dear that every
human being forms their own relationship with what they may
or may
not believe in and we respect each and every personal allegiance.
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