For information on practical help from The Ruby Care Foundation, follow the links to read these self-help articles
The diagnosis of terminal illness can be hard to accept. The Ruby Care Foundation offers a listening ear, gives practical advice, and supports all concerned in adjusting to this new and sometimes very frightening reality. Help is at hand for everyone, whether directly or indirectly affected
From the moment you are told you have a terminal illness, a seeming avalanche of shock and mental, emotional and spiritual reactions can flood through you.
One of the first, and possibly most overwhelming, reactions is fear; fear of dying; fear of the course of the illness; fear of pain; fear of losing your loved ones; fear of the unknown; fear of losing control ...
Some of the difficulties are practical, like the care of the children, making a Will, sorting the mortgage, funeral arrangements, care of the cats ...
Other worries may be more soul-searching like, did my life really count, what about life after death - and these can be mixed up with unresolved past difficulties, problems not dealt with, traumas from the past that need relegation ..
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Maybe the immediate family or close friends need to come to terms with letting go, with trying to understand everything involved, with wanting to be effective in assisting and not knowing how ...
The diagnosis of terminal illness can be hard to accept. The Ruby Care Foundation offers a listening ear, gives practical advice, and supports all concerned in adjusting to this new and sometimes very frightening reality. Help is at hand for everyone, whether directly or indirectly affected.
When someone is dying, the harmonies that sustain and fortify are shattered. The Ruby Care Foundation assists from a place of deep and compassionate understanding, and lends sanity and strength while all concerned go through this most painful time ...
Some issues arising at diagnosis of terminal illness:
The role of The Ruby Care Foundation in assisting at this time:
Just as new life is assisted through the process of being born, we believe that every life should have the opportunity to receive the same loving care and assistance as they go through the process of dying.
We will come and be with the dying, at home, in hospital or hospice, will lend an ear, offer guidance, advice and counselling if needed. We will show families and friends how to give effective assistance.
When someone is dying, the harmonies that sustain and fortify are shattered. The Ruby Care Foundation assists from a place of deep and compassionate understanding, and lends sanity and strength while all concerned go through this most painful time.
Grieving, from any loss, is always painful. It is also a natural and healing process. As you pass through the various stages of grief, so you 'do the work' of it, and can know that life will go on, and that so will you ...
The part of The Ruby Care Foundation in helping the grieving:
Grieving, from loss of a partner, a beloved pet, or even someone fleeing their country, leaves you very vulnerable; you may feel that there is no future, that life is almost too much to bear, and that there is no light at the end of what seems to be a very dark tunnel.
Grieving, from any loss, is always painful. It is also a natural and healing process. As you pass through the various stages of grief, so you 'do the work' of it, and can know that life will go on, and that so will you.
Follow this link for information relating to pet bereavement services ...
Anger becomes destructive if expressed without understanding what caused it and what it can do if not put to rest. Like any ‘virus’ that gets in it must have its full process, and you acquire immunity by ‘toughing’ it out and giving it full rein. The worst thing you can do with anger is keep it suppressed without expression – safe expression, yes, but full expression. The virulence it manifests comes from not having been allowed to ‘have anger’ when we were children; remember your childhood, and remember how you probably brought up your own children, curbing their anger and telling them it is an ugly and undesirable thing to have. Anger is a natural outlet-valve incorporated in the human design to let off steam (just like a pressure cooker) when emotions build up too strongly. Suppressing it causes other, more harmful, dis-ease to happen.
Coping with Anger in Bereavement
Anger is a strong yet natural reaction to sudden or gradual build up of emotional pressure. It can return again and again, is extremely uncomfortable and, if allowed free rein and directed at the object of the anger, it causes us to act irrationally and say things we later regret. It occurs as one of the kaleidoscopic processes that grief is, when we find ourselves coping with the loss of a loved one or of something important in our lives.
Anger accompanies all kinds of emotional reactions like:
Anger is a symptom that shows the whole behavioural system is out of balance. It says we’ve ‘reached the end of our tether’, or that we have been forced outside our usual tolerance realms.
What can we do about it?
First to recognise anger for what it is without judging ourselves for feeling this way; only then can we look at ways to relieve the pressure in safety towards ourselves and others. Mostly, anger is relegated by reasoning; but by its very nature it stops us from reasoning things through with a cool head; so first we need to express it, thereby limiting the damage to ourselves; once cooled down we can set about its full relegation
NB. It is of uttermost importance to express and relegate anger else it becomes destructive to yourself or to others if not diffused.
Having accepted that anger is not a ‘bad’ thing to have and injurious to keep bottled up, here are some ways of taking the sting and heat out, lessening the pressure before the next step of relegation:
Of course it may be you need concentrated and skilled counselling assistance. The thing is to recognise it and begin to do what you have to so that it stops being the government on your thoughts and behaviour
Some beginner reasoning processes
Although it takes time to fully resolve anger, recognising what is causing it is a good place to start. Ask yourself:
The healing process may take longer than you expect as you sort out what is causing your anger and the best way to cope with it. Anger is very powerful and can be all consuming but, if you recognise it as it rises, you can manage it better each time it turns up. Although many people prefer to work through their grief by themselves, coping with the anger and many other debilitating emotions that grief brings, others find it helpful and even necessary to seek support from a counsellor.
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